To the Kings and Queens of Three-Word Sentences: Stop It!

Never underestimate the power of a good narrative. No matter how good the idea for your story is or how engaging you think your characters are, the narrative has to be there.

When writing, it's very important to develop a certain flow. I don't claim to have mastered this myself (I think there are even famous writers out there who haven't done such a good job either), but I know what works and what doesn't.

Example of a no-no:

I went to the mall today. I wanted to look for something nice to wear for my date. I didn't find anything. Then I ran into my friend Leslie. She was very mad about something her boyfriend said.

Okay, it's a very short snippet. Even though it shows action, it's not very good. Worse still: it's as dull as dirt. Reading it, you're probably thinking the same thing. And there are many reasons for that.

The flow is poor. The paragraph has an awful flow, mainly because the sentences don't vary in length and the word "I" is said far too much.

Rules to make this better:

1. Never overuse the word "I" or any other noun or pronoun. It makes the flow choppy and uninteresting. Furthermore, it gives the idea that someone without a strong command of their native tongue wrote it.

2. If all of your sentences are roughly the same length, it further adds to choppy-ness. Just refer back to the paragraph. They're all about the same length. When you read it, it forms an annoying rhythm or cadence in your head. That being said, don't make all of your sentences too long either. That also annoys the reader.

Remedy: Mix things up in a natural way by making your sentences vary in length. If you listen to yourself speaking, you don't speak in such a stilted manner. Some of your sentences are long; others are short. If you speak correctly (or close enough) aloud, try writing as though you're talking. That's what I've always done. Sometimes it leads to grammatical errors, but it definitely helps with flow. (Errors can be fixed during your revision process.)

Another thing -- and this is something that every writer should know -- is that when you write something that you intend others to read, read it out loud! I can't stress it enough. When you read it aloud, you will perceive it similarly to the way your readers will. And more often than not, if there's a glaring problem with flow, you'll find yourself all like "wtf, mate?".

There's still some more things wrong with the paragraph though. It's boring. Yes, there is action. But it's boring. It's not something someone would want to read -- and that's the thing, isn't it? You, as a writer, have to make people want to read your work. They aren't just going to read it because you worked long and hard on it. Even your friends won't read it if it's dull. That's just how it goes.

So, the remedy? Add description. Describe the scene and use words that pop to enhance visualization and add substance and relevance. If you do this, it'll make your reader want to read more.

Here is where I try to fix the paragraph using the rules and remedies I laid out:

I went to the mall around two o'clock this afternoon to look for something to wear for my date with Billy. Eternity was spent going through every store, thumbing through endless racks, and hoping for something that would make him drool -- something so edible it'd make him want to rip it off with his teeth.

By four o'clock, my search was still fruitless. Perhaps I was picky, or perhaps my local mall had a narrow selection. Either way, the situation remained the same and our date was in less than three hours. Just as I was drowning myself in my own sorrows, I ran into Leslie. Her face was bright red and her fists were clinched. She began muttering about Algernon and I resolved to listen, as the prospect of finding the perfect dress in time was completely and utterly hopeless.

Okay, so it's not a good or interesting fix, but I did use my rules while still keeping the general meaning of the "no-no" example! Even though my improved example was not great, you can still see that it is, in fact, improved. I added length and details to my story to make it more readable. Better still, since it's a first person narrative, I wrote it in the way the character might speak. That automatically allows the writer to vary the length of their sentence in a very organic way.

In the revised version, you learn more about the protagonist -- not only about what she's doing, and what her angle is, but also how she thinks. You know what she wants: she wants to find a dress so pretty as to make Billy rip it off with his teeth. And she can't find the dress. But the details give the reader the sense of conflict that they didn't in the first example. And if you can only remember one thing about story writing, remember: There has got to be conflict!

If you go through your story and find it reads very much like my first example, apply my rules and just see if it helps. Add descriptions and use words that force the scene to pop into the reader's head. If you do, you will be pleased with the results.


******Author's Note: ******

This is a re-posting of a post from a previous (now defunct) blog of mine, but it's a topic I wanted to address here. It was written September of 2008, a year ago. Do you think my style has changed since then?