To the Kings and Queens of Three-Word Sentences: Stop It!

Never underestimate the power of a good narrative. No matter how good the idea for your story is or how engaging you think your characters are, the narrative has to be there.

When writing, it's very important to develop a certain flow. I don't claim to have mastered this myself (I think there are even famous writers out there who haven't done such a good job either), but I know what works and what doesn't.

Example of a no-no:

I went to the mall today. I wanted to look for something nice to wear for my date. I didn't find anything. Then I ran into my friend Leslie. She was very mad about something her boyfriend said.

Okay, it's a very short snippet. Even though it shows action, it's not very good. Worse still: it's as dull as dirt. Reading it, you're probably thinking the same thing. And there are many reasons for that.

The flow is poor. The paragraph has an awful flow, mainly because the sentences don't vary in length and the word "I" is said far too much.

Rules to make this better:

1. Never overuse the word "I" or any other noun or pronoun. It makes the flow choppy and uninteresting. Furthermore, it gives the idea that someone without a strong command of their native tongue wrote it.

2. If all of your sentences are roughly the same length, it further adds to choppy-ness. Just refer back to the paragraph. They're all about the same length. When you read it, it forms an annoying rhythm or cadence in your head. That being said, don't make all of your sentences too long either. That also annoys the reader.

Remedy: Mix things up in a natural way by making your sentences vary in length. If you listen to yourself speaking, you don't speak in such a stilted manner. Some of your sentences are long; others are short. If you speak correctly (or close enough) aloud, try writing as though you're talking. That's what I've always done. Sometimes it leads to grammatical errors, but it definitely helps with flow. (Errors can be fixed during your revision process.)

Another thing -- and this is something that every writer should know -- is that when you write something that you intend others to read, read it out loud! I can't stress it enough. When you read it aloud, you will perceive it similarly to the way your readers will. And more often than not, if there's a glaring problem with flow, you'll find yourself all like "wtf, mate?".

There's still some more things wrong with the paragraph though. It's boring. Yes, there is action. But it's boring. It's not something someone would want to read -- and that's the thing, isn't it? You, as a writer, have to make people want to read your work. They aren't just going to read it because you worked long and hard on it. Even your friends won't read it if it's dull. That's just how it goes.

So, the remedy? Add description. Describe the scene and use words that pop to enhance visualization and add substance and relevance. If you do this, it'll make your reader want to read more.

Here is where I try to fix the paragraph using the rules and remedies I laid out:

I went to the mall around two o'clock this afternoon to look for something to wear for my date with Billy. Eternity was spent going through every store, thumbing through endless racks, and hoping for something that would make him drool -- something so edible it'd make him want to rip it off with his teeth.

By four o'clock, my search was still fruitless. Perhaps I was picky, or perhaps my local mall had a narrow selection. Either way, the situation remained the same and our date was in less than three hours. Just as I was drowning myself in my own sorrows, I ran into Leslie. Her face was bright red and her fists were clinched. She began muttering about Algernon and I resolved to listen, as the prospect of finding the perfect dress in time was completely and utterly hopeless.

Okay, so it's not a good or interesting fix, but I did use my rules while still keeping the general meaning of the "no-no" example! Even though my improved example was not great, you can still see that it is, in fact, improved. I added length and details to my story to make it more readable. Better still, since it's a first person narrative, I wrote it in the way the character might speak. That automatically allows the writer to vary the length of their sentence in a very organic way.

In the revised version, you learn more about the protagonist -- not only about what she's doing, and what her angle is, but also how she thinks. You know what she wants: she wants to find a dress so pretty as to make Billy rip it off with his teeth. And she can't find the dress. But the details give the reader the sense of conflict that they didn't in the first example. And if you can only remember one thing about story writing, remember: There has got to be conflict!

If you go through your story and find it reads very much like my first example, apply my rules and just see if it helps. Add descriptions and use words that force the scene to pop into the reader's head. If you do, you will be pleased with the results.


******Author's Note: ******

This is a re-posting of a post from a previous (now defunct) blog of mine, but it's a topic I wanted to address here. It was written September of 2008, a year ago. Do you think my style has changed since then?

How to Start a Novel: Getting Started and World-Building

Beginning writers are often daunted by the task of starting their first novel; however, it's a lot easier than you might think. The key, as with all writing, is to keep it simple. By taking an uncomplicated approach, you keep your ideas clean and fluid. Later on, you can further complicate your novel and enrich it by adding more detailed plots and other devices to help it come alive more fully.

Getting Started

The very first thing you need to do is have an initial concept. Often, the idea will just pop into your head. It will come suddenly, an epiphany, and you'll say "Hey, I need to write this down!"

Unfortunately, however, that's not always the case. Some writers go into writing knowing they want to write, but haven't yet found their story.

Find Your Story

Think of what inspires you. What are you interested in? What moves you so much that you would spend hours upon hours (perhaps even years) writing it?

Say science fiction is your passion. That's a great start. Expand on that concept. What about sci-fi do you like? What's your niche? Is it the aliens? Is it the fantastical worlds? Do you like casual sci-fi or hardcore and uber-technical sci-fi? What's your bag? Figure it out and move on to the next step.

Building Your World

This part actually requires some thinking. The easiest world to write in is in the real world -- particularly in a setting that you're familiar with, such as your home state or city. Going along with our sci-fi example, however, that takes a bit more effort. Even if your sci-fi story is set on earth in the present day, you're still going to have to roll up your sleeves and do some world building.

Drawing From Human Culture While World-Building

An example of soft or casual sci-fi is the television show Battlestar Galactica. It's more character-driven, and all of the aliens are human beings. With Battlestar Galactica, the world building is more cultural-based, since it's a character-driven drama.

Battlestar Galactica (2003) borrows a lot from ancient Greece. Kara Thrace, Galen Tyrol, and Hera Agathon all have ancient Greek elements to their names. More than that, their culture is more Greek. The humans of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are polytheists. They worship the Olympian gods, and in the show, there are even the smallest hints of ancient Greek cult worship (such as devotion to the goddess Aphrodite).

Aside of the Greek elements, there are other less specific and slightly pagan elements in the show. For instance, women are equal to men on the show. Instead of being call Miss or Madame, they are referred to as Sir. There is no indication whatsoever that woman play less of a role than men on the show. Furthermore, the polytheistic holy people on the show tend to be female, which hearkens back to ancient pagan priestesses and shamankas (female shamans).

You're probably asking: Why are you talking about a TV show on a writing blog? The answer is: it's a good example of using Earth culture to help build a science fiction world.

Obviously you can't (legally) copy Battlestar Galactica. Instead, you can learn from what worked for them. Borrow from Earth Culture what works for you and your story. For instance, the culture on your alien world might be imperialistic like the old British Empire, or they might be nomads like the Roma people (commonly and incorrectly referred to as "gypsies").

Culture plays an important role in speculative fiction. Aside of sci-fi, world building is an important aspect of fantasy and alternate history as well. Even if the stories are set on Earth, something about them is different than present day Earth (or else they wouldn't be speculative fiction).

Drawing on Personal Experience During World Building

For novels that are more real-world based, such as literary or romance pieces, it's often useful to draw on personal experience. You don't have to copy your life on the page; instead, take bits and pieces and shape it into something that's relevant to your story. For instance, you grew up on a farm. Maybe your main character lives on a farm. Since you grew up on a farm, you know all about the life of farmers and of people who live out in the country, and you can use it to your advantage.

Research for World Building

The most important genre to research during world building is historical fiction. Whether it be accurate period dramas, semi-fictional biographies, or alternate histories, it's still important to know how people lived at the time.

One of my favorite websites to look at while writing historical fiction is La Couturière Parisienne. This website takes a very detailed look at the history of fashion. Why is this relevant to world building, you ask? Well, it's because, young grasshopper, it's very important to know what clothes your characters wear!

Say your story is set in France and the year is 1722. The wealthy women might wear a silken gown with the then-fashionable contouche with Watteau pleats. Wealthy men wore powdered wigs of a fashionable quality (meaning they were neat, polished and of a high grade of hair and in the newest style). On the other hand, poor women would wear a dress made of linen (or some other rougher, cheaper fabric) in a style that might've been slightly out-of-date. A poor man would wear rough wool or linen clothes and, most likely, wouldn't be able to afford a fancy wig.

The Bottom Line

Know your world! I can't stress it enough. In fantasy and sci-fi, it's important to build an interestingly unique world that's all your own. Your world relates heavily to your characters and your plot, which I'll discuss in the coming articles.